Healthier Stay


My Invisible Fight is Within Me #InvisibleFight

Posted in Newer Posts by Healthier Stay on September 27, 2015

While there are so many problems to solve with the outside world, my biggest “Fight”, for me, is within.  I sometimes get tricked by my own Invisible Illness.

You see, my interior war is fighting all of the distinct troubles that Crohn’s, UC and all of the secondary conditions they cause me. Yet my biggest battle, one that I seem to almost continually lose is, keeping myself from overdoing it. That’s right, I am forever pushing my limits and overwhelming myself and my body. It is a vicious cycle that I seem to create. The Beaglet needs walked and taken to the groomer.

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Sure I’ll do that, and then do my grocery and pharmacy shopping, pick her up on the way home and then somehow figure out how to get all of that upstairs to my apartment. Such a bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea, but I’m thinking of efficiency and not pacing. I’m sure I’m not the only one with a confusing and confounding illness where my body tricks me. I’ll think, “Wow! I feel so good today better make it count before I get meta-body slammed!”, then I do so much stuff that I enable the meta-slamming myself. It’s truly one step forward, t-two steps back, but I don’t have Paula Abdul and MC Skat Cat cheering on.  I set myself up for failure.

Sometimes it’s just because I get frustrated, “Why shouldn’t I be able to clean the tub AND the toilet AND mop the bathroom on the same day?!? Other people do it all the time!” The answer is, fumes Donna, too many fumes make you puke and bleed. Unchecked cleaning fumes can knock me down for 3 days! Then I feel really dumb, because I know better but pride gets in my way.

I have to pace myself and break off little chunks into daily assignments. I place them on my calendar and make myself follow it, unless I am too sick, then I reschedule. I have to keep myself under control so that I, hopefully, have more well days than sick ones. That is my Invisible Fight.

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