Healthier Stay


From Donna Downer to Donna Kay

Posted in Archive Blogs by Healthier Stay on February 27, 2012
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’ve had an attitude adjustment in the last few years. When I was younger and learning to cope with my Crohn’s disease, I only saw some of my friends 3 times a year. I would go to my friend’s birthday party in June, her annual Halloween party and another friend’s Christmas party. Someone would always ask me how things were going. My usual reply was: My dad’s really sick and in the hospital for…, my brother is really sick and I’m sick, exhausted and in pain. I would expound on all of the symptoms, problems and weird complications that Crohn’s had “gifted” on our family and generally suck all of the happiness out of the room. Merry freaking Christmas! I didn’t realize how depressing my stories were and I didn’t think it was a problem because people kept asking and acting genuinely interested. They are very good friends because I was definitely, Donna Downer. All I focused on were the bad things in my life and none of the good.

 

One day, as I was reciting my problems to my friend, I realized I sounded like a broken record and I told him about the Sunday school class I was teaching. You would not believe his reaction! He had the biggest grin on his face and said, “Oh Donna, I am so glad you have something positive to hold onto in your life!”. I was shocked! I had plenty of great things in my life, but they weren’t the “Headlines” of my conversations. I needed to re-evaluate the way I approached my life, my illness and my family’s problems. Yes, we had a bunch of woes, but we had even more positives. My family dealt with every problem by banding together, we were and are one of the closest families I’ve ever known. We had a wonderful church that was there for support, care and strength on a 24/7 basis. I also had other friends who would pick me up and take me to do things several times a month, just to spend time with me and help me stay sane. All of these great blessings and all I could talk about were my dad’s Toxic Mega-Colon, or my fainting spells {they lasted 2 years and no one knows what caused them}. Yes, my family could give Ripley an entire season of Believe it or Not episodes, but we also could have had a bunch of “very special” Growing Pains too. I just needed to learn how to change my attitude and the synopses of my life. That is so hard, but I’ve learned that Fake it, till you make it is very true and helpful. Sometimes I even keep things too close to the vest these days, but I am a work in progress.

 

I’m still learning when to share the good, the bad and the fugly. A large social gathering is not the place to talk about bowel resections and diarrhea, but I can share how well my treatment is going with Entocort, a “mild” steroid (Ha ha ha). I can talk to my friends in private, sometimes they have to pry it out because, like I said, “work in progress”. Of course I can talk to my family and we work hard to keep each other in good spirits and to lift each other up, no matter what we are going through.

 

One person that I can share everything with is my pain therapist and I see him every week. His job is to listen to me about my problems, my pain and my life, and help me figure the best way to deal with them. I have gone through literally every single emotion I’ve ever known in his office. Being able to talk to someone who has to listen to me, but not pander to me, is truly refreshing. I started therapy to help get through losing my dad. He died from Crohn’s complications and, in less than a week, Crohn’s went from the horrible annoyance that caused us pain, to the terrifying menace that killed my father. I bottled my feelings and tried to stay strong for my family. I kept it up as long as I could and after 3 years I just started to feel brittle and my pain started overwhelming me. I brought this up to my pain doc and he suggested I try the therapy. Just knowing I have a safe place to talk is a huge comfort to me. We worked extensively on my grief and he was one of the first to encourage me to write my book and, by extension, this blog. Along with the head shrinking, he and I also work with relaxation therapy and have had some astounding results.

 

Now that I have these outlets, I don’t feel like I have to regurgitate horrible news to someone I haven’t seen in a while. I can keep my life in perspective and my attitude has improved exponentially. I have more chances to see my friends and, hopefully, they don’t fear seeing me anymore. I want to be social and I love that all of these problems are no longer living rent free in my head. I had to fake this attitude for 2 years and now I naturally lean toward the positive. I’ve gone from Donna Downer the chronically ill girl, to Donna Kay the Chronically Awesome woman and I couldn’t be happier!

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2 Responses to 'From Donna Downer to Donna Kay'

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  1. carlyrgyoung@gmail.com said,

    Love ya Donna Kay!


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